On November 25th, 2012 was the calculated date of birth of our little daughter. Now, it is the fourth day that has almost passed and Daniel is at home since Tuesday which is perfect and great. I am so happy to finally have him here and get some stuff done before the little one arrives. We got in touch with our insurance to get some final steps done here. Then we tried to get a table and chairs but they did not have them at Ikea yesterday so we ordered them online. We have been doing some final touches around the apartment. I finally managed to actually pack some clothes for the stay at the hospital in a bag. I had collected everything so far but I am still wearing most of the clothes.

The last couple of days were quite grey and rainy so it was not that much fun to get outside. Daniel started cooking again which is great and I am learning to let him cook again. He is very inventive in the kitchen and mixes some spices in which I would not normally put into a tomato sauce but it tastes great and it is his style.

We went to my gynecologist yesterday to have a last check by her. I am not sure if I will stay with her because there were several moments when I thought that I should change the doctor. First of all, she is also my mother’s doctor. This would not be a problem if I knew that she is totally neutral but there was an incident with my sister which showed me that she is not. My mother also knows very well how to get people on her side. Due to some visits at the hospital because of some bleeding during my pregnancy I got to know different gynecologists and there was one who showed me how to be treated differently (warmer and with more explanations). I like to ask questions so I understand why things happen the way they do and with my current gynecologist I never get a satisfying answer. It feels like rushing in and out of the practice. I will have my final checks after giving birth and then try out another one whom my midwife recommended to me.

These are the thoughts that are lingering on my mind during these days. I am very excited what the close future will bring. I just want to snuggle our little girl. Smell her, feel her, kiss her and watch Daniel with her.

How do you cope with being punished, not accepted as you are and feeling love for that very person still? It is extremely difficult for me today to do this meditation because I feel love for this person. I would forgive this person instantly if I got a “I’m sorry, I’ve made many mistakes” and if this very person got professional help. Since I know this person very well there is the possibility that this will never happen. So I might have to keep hoping forever and meanwhile watch this person get mentally sick. I am even willing to forgive this person without asking me for forgiveness because I know deep down inside this person is good. But if I let this person back into my life without getting professional help, I would not be able to cope with it. Therefore, I will have to be patient and wait and hope for a miracle and stay in this feeling of helplessness and powerlessness.

A list of the things in my life that I appreciate.

- my husband for staying at my side even when it got/gets very tough, for making me smile everyday, for making me laugh as much as possible, for making me see the positive things in life again, for making me trust again

- my sister for being such a wonderful person, for being honest, for being careful not to hurt me and still trying to open my eyes, for her wonderful dry humor, for being thoughtful, for seeing and appreciating all the little things

- my Dad for being calm, honest, open-minded, for hugging me when I need it, for being the father I have always wished for, for listening even if he is tired of the topic, for being kind, patient and for never giving up hope and always believing in the good part of a person

- for Mrs. S. who probably saved my life, who made me healthy and stable again, who is hopefully watching me with a smile, thank you for everything!

- all the things that have happened so far in my life because they made me stronger, shaped me, made me the person I am today, and led to the life I am living right now which is just wonderful I have to admit; I have never been this calm and content in my life before

- for this pregnancy because it healed me even further, because it gave me the time to reflect, to come to terms with some issues of the past, to finally get to know myself better, to enjoy being on my own once in a while without being afraid, to reflect on my nutrition and cook healthy, delicious meals every day

- for being able to test bake for Laurie Sadowski which has been a wonderful experience because it has taught me so much about gluten-free, vegan baking, and through which I have got to get in touch with a very lovely person namely Laurie who is very professional in what she does and she has this feeling for what works and how to bring it to perfection

- for getting into yoga, for having consistently tried to find a teacher/class that fits me, it gives me a new perspective and helps me to stay calm and stable and to appreciate life as it is

- for participating in the 21-Day Meditation Challenge for Creating Abundance; I have noticed changes already and it gives me calm and trust as well

There is a lot more I am grateful for but these are the most current things that I can think of. Perhaps I will add some more to the list.

 

Explore experiences of synchrodestiny in your own life. Make a list of recent coincidences that you’ve had.

- Since I love to try new recipes there was this coincidence that I got to do some test baking for a blogger who will release a cookbook next January and it was so much fun because I got to do what I love (baking) and at the same time I was able to help her. It felt so good.

- I always wanted to find a yoga practice that I would actually like. And now I am taking two prenatal yoga classes every week. I am very happy that I can still be active.

- I have been thinking of continuing to practice yoga after my pregnancy and perhaps start teaching yoga. Today I found an email in my inbox which offered a yoga teacher training and this special training would also be accepted in the USA! And it is inspired by Anusara Yoga which I am very curious about and which I would love to try.

- i am trying to eat vegan and gluten-free and a friend sent me a link of a website that is specializing in vegan/vegetarian/gluten-free foods, books, travels, etc.

It is amazing. It seems as if I am getting inspirations from different angles and I appreciate them. I have noticed as well that I am not trying to force something. I just have this picture in my head and trust that it will be fulfilled.
Positive moments:

- I smiled at a woman and she smiled back at me.
- The weather is grey but I still love it. It feels cold, a little wet, but the air is fresh and I like to feel the cold on my cheeks.
- I am excited to try a new recipe for dinner.
- I am happy to have enough energy today to go out, take a walk and to cook again.
- I took some beautiful photos yesterday, trying out a feature of the camera that I had not until yesterday.

Make a list of your unique talents and ask yourself how you can best use those gifts to serve the world.

- Cooking skills: I love cooking and especially trying new recipes. I have developed a feeling or an intuition over the years of what works and what does not. It makes me feel happy to cook for people and to make them enjoy the food and simultaneously make them happy and healthy.

- Baking skills: Baking is another passion. I used to bake the “normal” buttery, sugary cakes, pies, cookies, etc. but over the years I have learned more about healthier versions and I am trying to further improve those. If I want to eat something sweet, at least let it be as healthy as possible.

Side note: My passion for healthy cooking and baking is mainly influenced by my diagnosis of Hashimoto Thyreoiditis. Since my diagnosis I have noticed that food has an enormous impact on my body and mental health. I mainly eat vegan, gluten-free, wheat-free food because it does not make me feel tired and does not cause this mental fog which used to be very strong.

- I love having guests. It makes me happy to make them feel home and relax and to put a smile on their faces.

- i am a good listener but I also like to talk a lot.

- I am a perfectionist, in the way that I like to improve processes. It starts with recipes, certain structures in offices, at home, etc. It is not something I consciously think about, my mind just works like that. It makes me feel organized and makes me work effectively so everything runs smoothly.

- I am creative, and flexible. I love to draw because it puts me in a lovely, meditative mental state. I have drawn since I was a little child. I love beautiful photos, drawings, paintings, views, all things visual. I am flexible because I can quite easily adapt to new, changing situations.

- I am an active person who loves sports like jogging, yoga, swimming, biking, hiking, climbing.

If I put it all together, the best way for me to serve the world is a little retreat with focus on food, health, relaxation, activity. The more I think about it the more my heart jumps out of happiness. It seems to be the best way for me to combine all my unique talents and at the same time do something good for the world.

Positive moments – weekend:
- Having great laughs and cuddly moments with my husband; I am so thankful that our ways met. He is one of the greatest gifts in my life.
- Feeling the little one respond to touches and even thoughts. It was so lovely when I asked her mentally if she was awake and if everything was fine, she answered by pushing her foot out of my belly.
- Meeting a friend for lunch.
- Enjoying wonderful food and cakes.
- Reading a new cookbook.
- Getting final things done for the baby’s arrival. It always feels good to cross things of the list.

What do I want?

- I want to find a task/job I am compassionate about. I want to help people and make them feel good because this makes me feel happy as well. I want to help people living a healthy life. Being healthy in mind and body is very important therefore I am thinking about giving nutrition advice and teaching yoga and giving massages. I would love to combine all these aspects in one facility where people come to relax, get informed and feel at home. I dream about owning a retreat on Hawai’i with a wonderful view on the ocean, in the perfect climate (warm/a little humid), with beautiful plants/nature, away from tourist actions. There are simple but relaxing rooms with enough privacy for every guest. I create healthy meals which we all cook together. I give yoga classes with meditation included and offer massages. If I cannot handle it on my own, there are enough perfectly trained, honest people who will support me. I dream of this place as a place for mental peace, honesty, love, happiness and joy. It is the place where I feel and am safe surrounded by my husband and children.

Positive moments:

- sold a sweet armchair and made some people happy with it
- getting my health back bit by bit
- meeting my loved ones
- looking forward to having my husband around all weekend
- dreaming of a bright future while enjoying the present times as well
- feeling my little one move and react to my touches
- being thankful for yesterday’s and Tuesday’s yoga sessions, the massage on Wednesday
- being glad that I attended an information seminar although I need to look further for another opportunity; but at least I felt and know now that it is not the right place for me; I will take more time to do some research and perhaps something comes up naturally that fits perfectly
- eating cake and drinking hot salted caramel chocolate; yum!

Reflect on the transformations you’ve experienced so far. What shifts have you noticed in your life?

- Every time I meditate in the morning or throughout the day I feel more at peace it myself and life in general. I am more patient. I am more aware of my reactions and much calmer. I see the positive things even in annoying moments and I am able to laugh about them because they seem rather funny than annoying or bad. I am more forgiving I’d say. I take difficult moments less personal. Over the weekend I did not find, well I did not take the time, to meditate and rest. All of a sudden I felt less connected to myself. I got annoyed by a little child and all the noise around me. I lost my focus. I also tried to force and push more instead of stepping back and watching and letting go.

How have you cultivated a greater sense of gratitude for the abundance you currently enjoy?

- Absolutely. I see and experience so many beautiful things throughout the day and to note down these moments every day clearly helps me to be aware of them each and every day. It helps me to stay in the moment instead of worrying and thinking too much about the past and the future. Writing a kind of diary of positive moments is a perfect tool for me and is something I would like to keep up.

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