I finally managed to write my first blog post on this blog. It has taken some time. I already have another blog but it did not work out for me. There is much more going on in my life than just food. Well, food is a huge part I have to admit but that is not everything. There is actually more.
I am becoming a mother which is a huge thing for me. I would have never expected this to happen. I mean it was intended to happen but when it actually happened it was still a huge surprise. I remember sitting in the bathroom and looking at the two blue stripes, checking again if I remembered correctly that this actually means I am pregnant, then saying to myself, “I am pregnant.” Still shaking my head in disbelief. The whole day my boyfriend and I laid in bed being quiet most of the time and just waiting for the wonderful news to sink in. At the end of the day, we both were not sure if the news had just arrived that very morning or even the day before, the day just felt that long to us.
We thought that I was in the 6th week but my doctor said it might already be the 8-10th week since it is quite big already. When I saw the little one on screen for the first time, it looked like a little kidney bean but I just wanted to put my hands around it and remembered thinking “I will protect you.” Right from that moment I felt love growing inside of me.
There were not many signs of pregnancy actually only that food made me feel like gagging. The only thing that felt okay with me was plain food like baby food and that was when I became suspicious. Slowly, my belly started growing, but very slowly at first. Then sometimes I looked really pregnant and the next morning the belly was totally gone. Right now, I am in the 20th week and the belly is there and stays there. People on the streets notice that I am pregnant and look at me/us smiling. It is funny how friendly people are when they see a pregnant woman but wait until the baby is out…
Since Monday June 18th, I have felt the little one for the first time actually being sure that it hit me. I might have felt it about a month earlier when I was at the office. I head my headphones on and was concentrated when I felt something poking me at the same place twice with the same strength. But it was so light and little that I was not quite sure. Now the movements are way stronger, still light though and I sometimes feel the whole body move inside. Some days ago it hit some organs and bones I think because my body hurt in parts I have never felt anything before and when I poke back a little and try to push it away a little the pain is gone. I also had my first interaction. I had not felt it the whole day and lay on my back shaking my hips a little. Shortly after that I got a poke. I did the same thing again and it poked again. Then my boyfriend put his hand on my belly, I shook again and it poked another time. It was so funny. The little one sometimes tickles me. It makes me laugh and giggle.
It is the most beautiful time I have ever felt in my life. I am very calm, watching every day how things develop, how I grow into my new role with my excitement and fear, worries and laughter. It feels like the memories of my childhood when I was about 3 to 4 years old. Those were my days of sunshine and calm and happiness. Although memory is very selective of course. But this is how it feels to me.