There is a lot going on in my head currently. It is good to have some time to reflect on certain things but I need to prevent myself from thinking too much.

Yesterday, I started meditating in the mornings and this morning it felt quite good. No tears, no huge hurt. A little hurt and I think I found the reason where the surprising hurt comes from. It is the collected pain for all the years I have grown up without being loved and accepted for the person I am. Yesterday, when I started meditating it felt like strong, sticky, glue in all my cells. It hurt. I woke up this morning thinking that I knew this pain from somewhere. I have felt it already and then I remembered that it was the pain I felt when I lost my first big love. When I found that out I felt a little relieved because it was familiar. I know it will take some time to heal but eventually it gets better. I am just glad that I found the words to express the feeling. It helps me to be able to cope with it.

For years this pain was inside of me, hidden, suppressed. No wonder it is that strong.

Anyway, I am trying to get to the roots of my problems by trying some things. I have recently read some books about meditation, nutrition, diets, yoga and the like to get more insight into the holistic approach. I feel that since I have Hashimoto that my body is reacting differently to certain foods, drinks, emotionally demanding situations. I feel that if my immune system is not strong enough it has stronger negative effects on my mental system.

I have read Crazy Sexy Diet and have to say that the lady is very convincing and I am hoping that I will feel better as I stick to her recommendations. I have read a few books so far and it is astonishing how many parallels can be found in different books and approaches. It makes me feel more certain giving the change a try although I will take it slowly since I am pregnant and do not want to stress myself too much. “Stressed mom, stressed baby”, a quote from John Medina’s Brain Rules for Baby. An awesome book which every person expecting a child should read or listen to. It is fun and scientific and most of all fun!


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