My boyfriend asked me this morning how it feels like being pregnant. I said that it feels like having a nine months long birthday without knowing when the final surprise or gift will actually be given to you.
I have the huge luck to have been able to stay at home since July without the stress of having to work. I was able to reflect on many things regarding my life and its obstacles. There have been many but in the end they all made me the person I am and I am thankful for that. I am still learning a lot about myself. I also and of course think about how the little girl will be like. What it will feel like to have so much responsibility for a little person. It is frightening I have to admit. There are so many things that can happen throughout her and our life and in the end I can only support her with my love and by being there for her when she feels frightened or weak. I have to be the stable ground on which she is able to discover the world safely. And the ground has been far from stable for myself. But it is not only about me any longer. I have to come to terms with myself and be strong even if I feel weak.
The curious thing is that I am willing to take the whole package just because I already love this person so deeply. It is a totally different kind of love compared to what I have ever felt before. It is a deep and strong love without the question if this person loves me as much as I love her. Is this what unconditional love feels like?